Tag Archives: Kathy Griffin

Mexifornia! Could We Be So Lucky To See It Happen?

Have you heard about the rumblings coming from the left (West) coast about California seceding from the Union?  Yeah, I have heard those rumblings, too.  So, like a desperate poker player in a high stakes tournament, I am throwing all of my chips into the pot and calling their bluff.  But….before we all get hasty about our opinion on this matter, let’s review the pros and the cons to the State of California and to the United States of America as a result of a California succession.

The advantages for California.

Did you see on the news this morning that the Department of Justice is filing suit against California over the issue of non-cooperation between ICE (US Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and California law enforcement agencies?  Yup.  Many of the mayors of large cities in California have directed their law enforcement agencies not to cooperate with any federal enforcement agency.  The mayor of Oakland warned illegal immigrants that there was an impending ICE sweep.   So, if California seceded, this would all go away.  Problem solved for the future Mexifornia!  No matter if a person is there illegally, or if they have a criminal record, they would all be welcome with open arms in the new, tolerant country of Mexifornia.

California has 53 Representatives in Congress.  They could disband their state legislature, and these 53 representatives could replace them and save lots of money.  That just leaves two US Senators out in the wind.  That would be Dianne Feinstein and Kamala Harris.  But think of this, maybe Dianne Feinstein could become the president of Mexifornia, as she is the senior senator, and Kamala Harris could become Vice President.  For this to happen, Governor Jerry Brown would have to retire so as to not mess up the pecking order.  But Jerry will be 80 years old next month and should retire.  After all, Governor Jerry is responding to the DOJ lawsuit as a ‘political stunt.’  He goes on to say that ‘political stunts’, (in this case, federal laws!), will not work in California.  Way to go Jerry!  Now if we could only get you to go out the door to retirement so that we can implement our plan to make Dianne Feinstein president of Mexifornia.

Just think of the cabinet that could be selected for Mexifornia.  The Kardashian sisters could be the joint secretaries of state.  After all, what group would know more about international affairs?  If experience is the best teacher, that great liberal political contributor, Harvey Weinstein should be the Human Resources director.  The door would have to be removed from his office for security reasons and his office must be devoid of any sofas or couches.

I would nominate Kathy Griffin for Mexifornia Homeland Security.  Firstly, she scares the hell out of me, so that would make her qualified.  Secondly, wouldn’t you like to see Donald Trump holding her bloody head at a White House press briefing?  Just sayin’.

If California seceded, they could raise the taxes on everything and everybody without recourse.  If a bunch of foreign conservatives (those from the USA!) were visiting Disneyland or taking the Hollywood tour, they could have an additional 100% tariff assessed to their tickets.  Nancy Pelosi would absolutely love the opportunity to assess ridiculous amount of tariffs to visiting conservatives.  After all, she is the person responsible for saying that the $1000 employee bonuses as a result of the Trump tax plan were ‘crumbs.’  With that in mind, the entrance fee to visit Disneyland would be a crumby $1500 per day per person, or, in other words….a crumb and a half per person.  She has also said that the latest federal budget proposal is a lot of ‘dog-do.’  How would Disney like to be paid in that?  Yup.  She qualifies as the new head of the IRS for Mexifornia.

The new country of Mexifornia would not have to be concerned about enforcing voter registration eligibility laws.  Oh wait, that is not an advantage, they don’t enforce these laws now.  California follows the blood pressure theory of voter eligibility….if you have a pulse, you can vote.  But here is an advantage, most of the Mexifornia citizens could vote in two countries, Mexifornia and Mexico.  The next time I visit Mexico, I am going to vote in their election.  Isn’t that what reciprocity is all about?

In all seriousness, I believe that if a vote was to be taken in California on succession, it would be a close election.  With 39 of the 53 US Representatives being liberals, you can see my point.  (20% of the Democratic US Respresetatives in Congress come from California.)

Advantages to the United States with a California Succession

A big advantage for the US of A would be that the Department of Justice would not have to enforce federal jurisdiction over the new country of Mexifornia.  This would save the taxpayers money and the DOJ a whole lot of headaches.  No cost for FBI agents in Mexifornia.  No cost for Border Patrol in Mexifornia.  No ICE agents in Mexifornia.  Isn’t that what California wants?  That would save lots of money for the US.

Here is another advantage for the USA.  The average staff salaries for a US senator is $2.8 million for Democratic senators, and $2.3 million for Republican senators.  But not to be outdone, in 2011 the two California senators were 1 and 2 in having the highest senatorial staff salaries.  Barbara Boxer was at $4.412 million and Dianne Feinstein was at $4.125 million for their respective staff salaries.  Yup.  They won and placed in the senatorial staff salary horse race.  You can imagine that Kamala Harris is not far behind after replacing Boxer.  That would be almost $10 million saved for the USA team.  But wait…..there’s more!  The average staff budgets for a Democratic representative is $1.024 million, while that for a Republican representative is $900 thousand.  That would save about another $53 million.  Throw in travel expenses and miscellaneous expense accounts, it would be a fair estimate that we would save about $100 million in the US budget.  I have no plausible explanation as to why staff salaries are much higher for the Democrats than the Republicans.  I guess the Democrats just want to spend more money.

As I am the blog writer, I am going to exercise my right of literary license and insert an advantage for the succession of California that may only be of benefit to me.  I would do anything not to have to hear Nancy Pelosi on the national news expounding idiotic drivel that she does so well.  I have already referred to the ‘crumbs’ comment and the one about ‘dog-do.’  Yet, there she is, getting way more camera time than one nitwit deserves.  I would do anything not to have to hear Maxine Waters talk about how she is going to get Donald Trump removed from the oval office, even if she has to do it herself physically.   She wants to impeach him.  No respect.  No cooperation.  Just more Californian drivel.  Again, another example of getting excessive media attention.  It seems that the more insane their comments..the more media attention.  (I do not think I am alone in this belief.)  If Elizabeth Warren from Massachusetts would move to the succeeding California, my life would be complete!

Then there are the overly verbal, whackadoodles in Hollywood.  These are the elite people who spend way too much time attempting to convince you that they are average Americans, just like you and me.  Then they jump into their chauffeur driven limousines, head to some who-gives-a-crap ceremony, and award themselves more trophies and adoration.  They spew their political opinions as if anyone gives a damn.  News flash!  America is waking up to the fact that most of you don’t have a clue what average America is about, nor do we care about your political rantings.

Here’s an advantage to the US.  Think of how much fun it would be to replace California, so we could be back to an even fifty states.  Think of the possibilities!  Puerto Rico?  Nah.  Guam?  Maybe.  Samoa?  I would vote for the Western, free Samoa rather than American Samoa.  If you have been to them, you would know what I mean.  Cuba?  Only by invasion, but don’t totally eliminate it.  Possibly Ontario?  No.  Trudeau would get upset and ban Canadian hockey teams from playing in America.  Bummer, eh.  I cast my vote that the Virgin Islands replace California as the fiftieth state.  That way, we will not have to replace our flags.  Small population = less representatives.   Problem solved.

With all the bluster that comes out of California, here is one advantage for the US that many people are not aware.  California has 17% of the population in the United States.  California receives 34% of all social/welfare dollars distributed in the United States.  If my math and information is correct, that means that the state of California receives over $250 billion dollars from the federal government every year.  That is not chump change or crumbs or dog-do.  And yet they want to flaunt the fact that they do not want to abide by federal government laws, especially those pertaining to immigration.

Trump has threatened to withhold different federal funds for California non-compliance.  Faster than a firecracker, some Federal judge from the left coast will place an injunction on the withholding of the funds.  California getting money from the federal government is like a vasectomy….they want all the fun without the responsibility.

With all of this in mind, who really needs who?  California, with their already high real estate and income taxes would go bust in a second without federal government support.  If I were from California, I would muzzle my politicians, replace them with intelligent people and tread lightly on the succession question.  Maybe it should be left up to the other 49 states to vote if California should secede.  Wouldn’t that be interesting.

I think my ‘all in’ poker ploy has caused all the bluffers to fold.  Another pot for Grandpa T!

Don’t ‘Send in the Clowns!’ (The Looney Clowns are Already Here!)

In the last blog I quoted a line from Shakespeare.  In this blog, I am quoting the name of a composition by Stephen Sondheim which he wrote in 1973 for the musical, A Little Night Music.    Do you remember who first recorded ‘Send in the Clowns?’  Many famous musicians have sung it, including Barbra Streisand, Judy Collins and the most famous version on the ‘Simpson’s’ by Krusty the Clown. But the first person to record the song, after it appeared on Broadway, was Old Blue Eyes himself, Frank Sinatra, in 1973.

But I digress.  I have finally decided that what has changed most significantly during my lifetime, and not in a better way, is entertainment.  For the purposes of this blog, specifically ….comedy (thus the clowns).  What constitutes good comedy today, compared to what was good comedy 50 years ago?

Well, one thing that I have noticed, is that somehow, comedians today think they have transformed themselves into mental giants overnight.  In addition, they have taken it upon themselves to routinely inject their political beliefs into their routines.  They do this with malice, with venom, and with a large dose of aggression that certainly was not present in the comedy of my youth.

Everyone knows what comedienne Kathy Griffin has done recently.  She, in the hopes of having her head sculpted into a memorial atop the Hollywood hills, held up a severed, bloody head of Donald Trump, in pure ISIS fashion.   Besides doing this deplorable act, do you know what the most idiotic part is of this whole ordeal?  It was Kathy Griffin’s surprise about the backlash that occurred by her actions.  She thought she would be beloved by the radical left.  She thought she would become the poster girl for Hollywood and its left leaning politics.  She thought she was being funny.  But then the backlash occurred and it took aim where it hurts the Hollywood elite the most….in the pocket book!  Yes, their god is money and once taken away, they lose faith.  In this instance, sponsors began withdrawing their support and as a result, her New Year’s Eve gig with Anderson Cooper was canceled.  Ouch!  But the idiotic Kathy was not done.  She apologized for doing the act, but she did not apologize to the POTUS or his family.  She did not apologize to Baron Trump who was traumatized by seeing his father’s severed head on national television.  Then she decided to strike back by saying that the Trump family are a bunch of bullies and have “broken her” and ruined her career.  Ruined your career?  You are a D level actress/comedian that has pandered sleazy comedy and sleazy events for years and now you think your career is over?  I sure as hell hope so!  What part of this action on your part was funny?

But wait, another intellectual giant has weighed in to defend Kathy Griffin.  That intellectual giant would be none other than Ace Ventura; Jim Carrey himself!  Here is what he said about comedy: “It’s the job of the comedian to cross the line at all times.  That line is not real and if you step out into that spotlight and you’re doing the crazy things that (Trump) is doing, we’re the last line of defense. The comedians are the last voice of truth in this whole thing.”  Nothing is politically motivated in that statement.  (Yeah, right.)  Exactly, Mensa Jim, is that line that has to be crossed at all times? Respect? (check).  Viciousness? (check).  Politically maligned?  (check).  Common Sense?  (check). Entertaining?  (check).  Funny?  (check).  Are these the components of the imaginary line?  If they are, Kathy Griffin, and your dumb-ass comments defending her are definitely over the line!  What’s this B.S. about the ‘last line of defense?’   I am convinced that the last thing you cowardly wienies would do would be to take up arms and defend this country.  You may defend your country club, but not your country.

Unfortunately, Kathy Griffin is not alone on her ‘cross the line’ diatribes and actions.  Stephen Colbert is so far left politically that it is amazing he can stand up straight.  But….Stephen Colbert has an audience and he uses his platform to spew his malicious venom all in the name of comedy.  Here is a part of one of his monologues when he begins ranting about Trump: “Sir, you attract more skinheads than free Rogaine.  You have more people marching against you than cancer.  You talk like a sign language gorilla that got hit in the head.  In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s cock holster.”  Granted, I do find humor with the Rogaine part of the monologue, but then he ‘crosses the line.’

Not to be outdone, we have Bill Maher.  While on his HBO program Real Time with New York magazine reporter Gabriel Sherman on a Friday night, the 61 – year – old made the incest joke about first daughter Ivanka Trump’s relationship with her father President Donald Trump.  He said: “What do you make of Ivanka and her efforts to sort of humanize her father?  We see all this misogyny at Fox News, we see it in Donald Trump himself.  A lot of us thought, Ivanka is gonna be our saving grace.”  Maher then took it a step further and mimicked Ivanka performing a sex act on her father.

Here is my question.  Why are these two disrespectful, constipated at the mouth morons still on television?  Well, I answered the question earlier in this blog.  Money is the god of Hollywood and these two bring in lots more to their respective networks than Kathy Griffin could ever dream about. She was expendable….they, because of their earning potential, are not.  It would be the proper, respectful, action to take to can both of them, but don’t ever expect something proper and respectful to ever come out of Hollywood.

It is obvious that Ace Ventura never watched or followed the comedy of his predecessors.  During my youth, the comics were extremely funny and they did not have to ‘cross any line!’  Grandma P’s favorite comic was Red Skelton.  He was on TV for over 20 years, from 1951 to 1971.  He ended every show with the words, “Good Night and God bless.”  His shows were hilarious as he was also a talented mime.  His most memorable character was Clem Kadiddlehopper.

I had two favorites.  In the early 50’s and 60’s it was Jackie Gleason in The Honeymooners.  He was a bus driver in New York (Ralph Kramden) and his next door neighbor was Art Carney (Ed Norton), who played a sewer worker.  Their wives were played by Jane Meadows (Alice) and  Joyce Randolff (Trixie).    His ‘get-rich-quick’ schemes provided for a solid basis in humor.

But, my all time favorite comedy show was the Carol Burnett Show.  It ran continuously from 1967 to 1978.  Her supporting cast included Vicki Lawrence, Harvey Korman, Tim Conway, Lyle Waggoner, and for a short time, Dick Van Dyke.  The show was made up entirely of skits, and, done before a live audience.  Some of the routines were hilarious.  What made them particularly funny was that oftentimes, there was ad-libing taking place, especially by Tim Conway.  The reactions of the other actors was as funny as the skit itself as they were completely caught off guard by his shenanigans.  I recommend watching the films of this show.  You will see what comedy was meant to be.

There were many other comedians that were extremely funny.  Don Rickles, Ernie Kovac, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno,  Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, Phil Silvers, Dick Van Dyke, Lucille Ball, Morey Amsterdam;  these were just some of the funny, humorous comedians of my youth and you know what?  They did not cross any damn line to be funny!  They may have all pushed the envelope on occasion, but they were never disrespectful, crude or vulgar.  They never, ever used their fame for a public political stage.  They knew what their position was in our society, they were there to provide entertainment for the family.  

So the clowns of the present could definitely learn from the clowns of the past.  No one, and I mean no one, is interested in your crude, malicious political commentary.  It is classless humor coming from classless people.

Damn.  I miss the old days of comedy.